Put On A Happy Face?

Should we really put on a happy face?  Why?  Is it for ourselves or others?  To try and convince ourselves we’re happy if we’re not?  Somehow improve our attitude?  To mask our emotions so others don’t know or don’t ask what’s wrong?

Couldn’t things be a little better if we were more…. real?  Some may not want to hear all about the details of someone’s life, but for me it might help there to not be feelings of jealousy or feeling inadequate.  By knowing that there are so many around struggling or sad or lonely, etc. then we wouldn’t feel the need to wrongfully compare.  Just sympathize together.  You wouldn’t have these surprise moments when they’re bearing their testimony at church about their past struggles that are finally over and you had no idea in the first place!
You would know that others:
-struggle with their weight too
-are out of a job
-didn’t, and wouldn’t, buy these fancy looking name-brand clothes themselves, but found a great deal for them at a garage sale or second-hand store 
-struggle with some disease or ailment
-take a long time to make their hair look that way or their make-up
-are stressed out by the kids too
-feel unappreciated or discouraged
etc.
I just feel like not until heaven, or maybe it won’t even stop there if we take our little flaws, will we stop comparing ourselves to others. We’re not equal, and I’d rather we were.  At least I feel like in the Temple it’s a little more equal since we’re all in white.  There’s no fashion statements there.  At church I look around and so many couples seem so happy and have it all together even will several kids when who knows how they really are.  Especially when asking people, "How are you?" in passing.  Do either of you have time to really hear/tell about how you/they are?  Do you/they REALLY want to know?  I just hate how fake we are with other people.  But if we did know all that stuff about them, what difference would it make?  Would we feel better about ourselves?  Or worse?  I just don’t know.
In Church the Stake Presidency was there and with the adults did a Q & A session.  It was nice to know what others are worried/thinking about.  We’re all really in the same boat.  No real conclusions or solid answers were given to solve dilemmas, but getting back to the basics was once again reaffirmed.  We complicate life, but if we just do the simple things we’ve been taught– Family/Personal Prayer and Scripture Study, Temple and Church Attendance, FHE– then we’d all have the Spirit more abundantly in our lives, be more protected and have more peace of mind.  
Maybe if I were better at doing those simple things, I’d feel better about myself and feel good about others without having to compare myself to them in any way, but just appreciate our differences.  Perhaps I’m focusing too much outward and not looking inward and appreciating what IS there, not what isn’t.  Or maybe I’m focusing too much inward- too vain- so I start looking outward to try and make myself feel better, but only make myself feel worse by comparing.  
I’ve just been feeling very stressed, discouraged, and overwhelmed lately and had to get out some thoughts.  Thanks for the therapy session. 🙂
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Hi, Ho! Hi, Ho! It’s Off To Work I Go!

I’ve been working for 2 months now at the YMCA and it’s been fine. Pretty easy. I can take the kids with me so it’s nice to have them there, let them play with other kids, and hopefully allow Harris to get some schoolwork or other things done at home.  I don’t take them with me every time though.  Sometimes they need a break from those kids even!
There definitely are the regulars who come like every day or so and others not quite so often.  Some are really sweet and easy-going.  Others, at least in the 3 and up kids, you can see the bossy ones, the tattlers, the whiny, sensitive ones, and the know-it-alls.  Already at this age!  Makes it not fun to have to deal with the kids that get their feelings hurt or whatever by them.  They annoy me.  Isn’t that sad?!  I work with kids and am supposed to love them, but parents get annoyed by even their own kids every now and then, right?
My schedule is pretty regular, but lately they’ve been examining the schedule and trying to fill gaps.  So my schedule has been adjusted a bit.  Not bad though.  For now, it allows me to go see Hunter at his Tae Kwon Do class Friday mornings before work.  How cute.  My days off are kept busy with shopping or dr. appointments.  Yea.  It’s easy to pick up extra shifts or cover for someone else which is helpful to get that extra little bit on the pay check.  We’re FAR from millionaires, but at least it’s something!  

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Allergy Update

Woah, I haven’t posted anything on here since February?!  Goodness.  
Well, as for allergies… I still got ’em.  It’s been about 4 months now since I began my allergy shots.  We’re finally getting to the point where we’re figuring out what my maintenance dosage will be.  It depends on how I react at certain levels as to whether they try to increase it, keep in the same, or lower it.  I’ve started the 3rd out of 5 vials of this serum stuff.  It started out feeling just like a little prick, like the testing they did on my back. But now…. it hurts.  I dread going now.  Before, it wasn’t such a big deal, but now that it’s stronger stuff, it’s uncomfortable.  And sometimes I bleed.  Not a ton, but enough to make me think, is this normal?  Turns out it actually is if you’ve recently taken blood thinners like Tylenol and the like.  Oh.  So I pay attention to when I’ve taken it to how soon I get shots again because I don’t want to bleed!
Anyway, once we get to this maintenance dosage, it will still be another 2-3 years before we’re done.  However, at some point we get to where it’s only once a month or something like that.  Good.  Without Insurance though this is sure an expensive process!  We pay for each shot, plus the making of the serum yearly- over $1000!  Yikes.  This better have some amazing results is all I gotta say!

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The Quickest Way Down The Slide

The title doesn’t really have much to do with what I’m wanting to write about unless happiness and depression are somehow related to a slide, but going down the slide would make a person happy I would think, and I’m more depressed than happy….. Hmmmm  

Anyway… In trying to actually work, I’ll have to work to get there!  I can’t wear jeans to work and that’s about the only pair of pants that I fit into at the moment that doesn’t require too much sucking in and wiggling.  So I literally have nothing to wear! I think I can wear the capris I normally wear to workout, otherwise I might have to wear maternity clothes!  How sad!  I am amazed at the size I was when I got married. I had just gotten down to a size 8/10!  The smallest I’ve ever been thanks to working out with Harris.  🙂  But since having children, my hips have widened and I’ve simply gotten fatter.  I just tried on a bag of clothes I set aside, but wanted to keep and they’re all things sizes 8-12: stuff that is not gonna fit this butt!  So I’ve got to either slim down quick, or somehow find the money to buy new clothes…. another dreaded task.  I have to try on everything and it’s depressing when you think you’re one size, try it on and you’re clearly not.  Right now I’m about a size 16 and have about 20-25 pounds to lose.  Awful.  I’ve got lots of work to do.  I wish working out wasn’t so hard for me because I LOVE the results!  I would love to become either an awesome swimmer or runner.  It’s just so hard to get past the first part where you’re sucking wind after the first 2 minutes and get side aches and feel like quitting, but you know you have to keep going to get any better.
So trying on clothes quickly drops my mood.  I immediately got back into my baggy, loose pajamas.  One cute thing that cheered me up for a brief moment was Hayden.  Right after I changed his clothes, he sat down for a moment, but got right up looking for where Hunter was sitting and then sat down right next to him to watch a movie.  Precious.  But a little while later comes the crying and Hunter doing his mean giggle while running off and hiding because he knows he did something wrong.  Nice.
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It’s Fun To Work At The Y-M-C-A!

Or so we shall see.

Due to our financial situation with Harris not able to find a job but going to school, the time has come for me to find some work.  And I found some at the YMCA working with the kids that are dropped off while their parents workout.  I’ve done it before, plus now I’m a mother, so it shouldn’t be too difficult.  However, I’m only scheduled for 11 hrs./week making about $100/week.  Wow.  Much less than we were hoping for, but maybe I can pick up extra shifts or something.  Or perhaps I’ll have to get an additional part-time job to work on the other days of the week.  Something is better than nothing, but this sure isn’t much!
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A New Year Brings About Change

Change is inevitable, I guess, and today I was thinking about some of the changes already taking place…
 
#1- Obviously, the year is now 2010.  Woah.  Weird.  I remember all those futuristic-type movies that had their time period set in the years happening now and now it’s here!  We are still far from the way some of them are, but still.  We are in "the future."
 
#2- Our ward’s time for church changed from 8:30am to 1:30 pm.  There’s never a good time for church when you have kids, although the one we just had was probably the best since you get up, go to church, come home, have lunch and take a nap (provided they didn’t pass out in the car on the way home!).  Although it sure was difficult to get up and get going.  Rarely were we on time for church, unfortunately.  The next time slot- 11:30am, isn’t much better though.  It’s kind of BEFORE lunch and DURING naptime!  Although the kids could maybe nap just a little when you got home.  Church at 1:30pm however, is probably the worst.  Lunch at least is had, but then it’s right AT naptime.  So the kids are expected to pass out on the way to and from church, but no real solid nap is taken.  And it’s weird driving home so late.  Oh well.  We all have to take our turns.
 
#3- After a little over a year I was released as the Primary Pianist, and am now a Primary Worker, asked to teach one of the new Sunbeams classes.  Hunter is in my class so that’s kind of fun and I think he likes me in there.  When they were bringing in the Nursery kids for a little bit of Sharing Time he was always excited to see me at the piano and would wave and say, "Hi Mommy!"  Cute.  I’ve substituted once before, but this is my first class.  Today went okay, but there’s definitely room for improvement.  We’ll definitely be singing more "wiggle" songs and doing hands-on stuff because they’re all such wiggle worms!  Cute, but just busy!
 
#4- Sometime soon I will start these allergy shots I’ve mentioned.  Really not looking foward to it, but hopefully the long-term relief will be priceless!
 
#5- Our downstairs bathroom will now be a pretty, light blue.  I have nice, decorative sea shell tiles and my framed "Footprints" poem needlework on the wall so I’m hoping the blue will be like the sky or perhaps the ocean.  Either way it’s a nice change.  To me, having a wall painted a color other than what the house came with, because it’s better, gives it a more homey, settled feeling.  It’s funny though because right about this same time last year we painted our breakfast nook in our kitchen!  We get around to painting one room a year!  How sad.  Hopefully it won’t take us this long to continue "coloring" our home. 
 
I’m sure there are other changes occuring or that will occur, hopefully for the better, but we’ll see.  May the new year bring you and yours many good changes. 
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Merry Christmas! and Updating Pictures

I’m sure you all had a lovely Christmas!  Glad that’s over! 🙂  On to the New Year!  May many good things happen to all of us!
 
Over the course the the next few days, I’m really going to try hard to get all of our pictures updated on here.  It takes time to load them on the computer, sort them, label them and then upload them to this site.  So far I’ve added June, although it’s not loading the captions I spent time on.  Hmm, I’ll have to figure that out.  Many more to come!  Stay tuned… 
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